My outfit choice was not for a significant other, nor was it intended to seduce or help me acquire a future partner.  In fact, I’m sure it’s not what a lot of people would consider even remotely sexy.  The outfit probably looks to others like I’m in the middle of laundry day and had nothing else to wear.

This outfit was intended for me to be desirable to myself.  The idea of loving yourself is something I’ve never been able to do, but I’ve come to realize in this last year that self-love is the only stable thing you can count on in unstable times and especially after all others have abandoned or betrayed you.  To have the comfort of being okay with who I am, what I look like, my personality, and everything that goes with it is what I’m working towards. The ever-important piece of advice comes into play here: “You can love others only once you have loved yourself.”

The self that I desire to become is a confident, strong, stable, and capable person. Many people who I’ve explained this idea to throughout the planning and execution of this project have said that I already appear confident, strong, etc.  It seems to be a surprise to people that I don’t feel that way emotionally by any means.  I was recently diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, which again, was a surprise to many friends mostly because I appear pretty normal and well adjusted (even if I’m a little strange).  However, I’ve lived with depression and anxiety for my entire life, and have adapted to appear normal in order to function in society.  Essentially, I’ve learned to be an expert at faking confidence.  I’m tired of faking it.  I want to actually feel it.

My choice of the A-shirt, slightly oversized, dark colored, boot cut jeans, and the double holed belt was my way of putting on a costume that best conveyed the idea of a strong, confident, and capable person.  The shirt is not something I normally wear and actually had to purchase for this project, but I chose it specifically because of the kind of people who wear these shirts both in popular media and in real life.  Skin tight and thin, these shirts show off a lot about the body leaving the wearer vulnerable and exposing the good, the bad, and the ugly about the shape of their bodies.  It’s a daring move to wear a shirt like this and can look bad easily on the wrong body type.  The jeans that I picked are one of my favorite pairs.  I wear them and feel good about myself, despite what anyone else thinks.  They are oversized due to unintentionally losing 21 pounds over the summer.  The belt was therefore a practical choice as well as a stylistic choice.  Black leather belts have an air about them that communicates order and control.  It’s a subtle, yet telling sign to the personality of an individual and how they carry themselves.  All in all it’s a simple outfit, but to me it communicates a lot about an individual and particularly what kind of a person I am trying to become.

I’ve had a lot of life changes this year, many of which have changed my life forever, or at least my outlook on life, relationships, the true intentions of people, and the way I feel and see myself.  Because of these startling and traumatic changes, I have pretty much destroyed and am rebuilding my identity for the purposes of self-improvement.  This project helped me put into words what, exactly, I was (and am) currently doing and what I hope to achieve.  For that, I thank Dan for involving me in this project.